The Only Thing

by
Kael


Lumiale stepped back and looked with satisfaction at the newly arranged and catalogued library. It had been a long, difficult job, but he had been glad to undertake it. He hadn't been asked to do it - in fact, it probably didn't matter to Clavis whether his library was organized or not. Just as it probably didn't matter to him that the contents of his storehouse had been inventoried, that his correspondence had been sorted, or that his reception area had been decorated for the next seasonal holiday. Lumiale hadn't been asked to do those, either - he just went ahead and did them. After all, it was the least he could do...

No, to be honest, it was the only thing he could do. These mundane domestic tasks were his way of showing his love. And there was the music. The gentle, delicate melodies that flowed from his instrument, all for Clavis's benefit, the only thing of his own that he could give. For Lumiale's was a love that could not be expressed through eloquent words or gentle caresses - those were not wanted. The fact of the matter was that his love was not wanted.

But even if Clavis had neither asked nor particularly desired that his household details be seen to, surely he benefited from it. Things were made easier to find, easier to get done. With his life made even just a little easier, surely it would add to Clavis's peace of mind. It wasn't much, but it was still *something*, Lumiale told himself. The only thing. That phrase seemed to echo in his mind.

The only thing I want. The only thing I cannot have. The only thing I can do...

Lumiale was tired. Lumiale was often tired, trying to keep two sets of hours. Clavis preferred to stay awake at night and nap during the day. Lumiale would work while Clavis slept, and then spend time with him when evening came, mostly playing, but sometimes merely sitting in companionable silence. As long as Clavis seemed to want him there - as long as Clavis didn't tell him to go - he would remain until he could stay awake no longer.

But now was no time to be tired. Clavis would soon awaken to have the light meal Lumiale had arranged to be prepared, to which he would also provide the now customary musical accompaniment. Lumiale put all thoughts of sleep, of unfulfilled desires aside. They were unimportant.

Clavis was the important thing. The only thing.